This is a topic I posted about on Instagram along with the photo of my bruised but beautiful body. I know this photo is quite confronting and can I tell you it took some courage to put it up. But this is the reality of my journey to becoming a mother and I hope others who are walking the same path feel less alone.
I will share now how I got through this challenging time of my life and what I did to empower myself evert single day.
I will start by explaining that this is purely my experience and every woman’s experience has it’s own uniqueness so please try not to compare your story to mine.
After seeing my specialist and getting a list of drugs to buy to begin my journey, I was overcome with emotion. There were so many injections that I wasn’t sure how I’d cope especially now that I had a toddler in toe. That day I let myself cry and feel the raw emotion of what was ahead. Even typing this, I’m overcome with emotion because I wanted this time to work so badly and I knew that my body was about to become a battlefield once again.
I ordered all of my injections and medications as nothing was on the shelf, everything had to be pre ordered and there was a small wait. So it was extremely important I was always organised (I created a spread sheet- that’s the teacher in me) and not running out of my medications.
So during the time I was waiting for all my medications to come in, with about a week till transfer I decided to completely hijack my mind. By that I meant that I was going to CONSCIOUSLY choose what I was thinking about, the words that were coming out of my mouth and the emotions I was feeling.
Because the reality was that I was nervous, fearful and scared about miscarrying again and having complications, I had to change my fear based stories rolling around in my mind to a different, more uplifting, hopeful story. But I had to take ownership over my mind and bypass it. We unconsciously think thoughts all day long so my aim was to think about what I wanted to actually see manifested in my life rather than thinking about all the things that could go wrong. It’s not easy, but its do-a-ble, TRUST ME! You might think how the hell did you do that?
Well it was actually pretty SIMPLE. I did the following:
- I created a tree graph starting with my ideal outcome at the top
- Then I wrote down how that outcome would feel (list the emotions)
- I then brainstormed positive sentences that described how I wanted everything to turn out (again being really specific)
- These become your daily affirmations , your new language , your inner and outer dialogue. You say these powerful, positive affirmation as frequently as you can, with hope and positive energy .
- I tapped into my Subconscious also when I meditated daily. I got into a state of deep relaxation where my MIND couldn't think or control my thoughts. I believe this is the KEY to MANIFESTING at high speed. Tapping into this deep part of you with the specific intention to re wire the neural paths in your brain is the most effective way to allow the universe in and re write a negative/ old story that may be in your SUBCONSCIOUS. I'll be exploring this deeper in time to come as I'm very passionate in the realms of the subconscious and how it can assist us in our reality.
Honestly this is how easy it is, but at the same time powerful. This can be applied literally to any part of your life. Write down the outcome and work backwards. The KEY is to be specific and write it down so that you can see it. Put it up where ever you go frequently. Have them as your phone background, stuck in your car… get creative. Some people may ask if they should talk to family and friends abut what they're going through and to be honest this is a very personal decision. On some occasions we spoke about it and other w didn't, both were difficult the the outcome ended in a sad way. We didn’t tell anyone that we were transferring our latest embryo, so the topic never came up unless it was with my husband and even then we agreed to only talk and think optimistically and focus on having fun during the festive season. This was a blessing as we were busy going to parties and socialising without focussing on what seemed to consume us for most of our day.
This was my experience and I understand that not everyone has the same outcomes, so stay open minded to other ways that may be more helpful to you. I hope this offers some insight into ways you can help yourself during a challenging time.
Lots of Love, TAN XX
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